I thought I was going to be Britney Spears.
And then a certain reality set in. I’m not talking about the type of reality that comes from well-meaning parents and crappy friends who tell you can’t or shouldn’t do something. Or the reality that says you have a mortgage to pay and children to feed. I’m talking about something much more challenging.
The reality that set in for me was coming from me. My own words. My own fears. My own doubts. I didn’t need others to tell me I couldn’t be Britney; I was doing it myself.
I would look in the mirror and see the girl holding the hairbrush who sang and danced and danced and sang, but the girl that was really in the mirror wasn’t a fierce warrior, ready to get out there and do everything and anything to make a career happen…the image in the mirror was just a girl holding a hair brush. And wearing lip gloss.
Let’s be honest. I am a goal setter, I am a really hard worker. Even though I was an NBA dancer for the Chicago Bulls and Milwaukee Bucks and even though I was writing songs and working in the studio with producers and even though I had a manager to help me become this famous pop star, something was off. It was me. I didn’t fully believe I could do it. I was afraid. Like, holy shit afraid.
Listen, you can be afraid. For some people, fear can be a great motivator. But what you can’t have is the type of fear that lives in your core and messes with your confidence in your abilities.
For me, knowing deep down that I was too afraid to push air through my vocal chords properly to get the right notes to come out, was a deal breaker. You need to able to sing notes to be a pop star! (Well. We know not all pop stars can truly sing, but you get my point.)
So. I stopped wanting to be a pop star. I knew it wasn’t right for me, even though I really wanted what it meant to me badly.
What I ultimately learned was that wanted to be on stage. I love to perform. I love to be in the spotlight. Love it! I also love to write.
I redirected myself. Found my spotlight. I left Chicago and moved to New York. (It was always my dream to live in NY, so that’s why I moved there specifically.) I studied acting for nearly five years. Then I moved to LA to act. I wrote and acted and sang in shows I wrote and produced. I created a lifestyle and empowerment brand for women (Brown Betties) that makes me really, really happy. And, I wrote a book. I’ve now taken a leap of International faith. I’m in Prague writing my second book, acting and teaching English (something new) and it looks like I may be singing at an event next month. Whaaaaat?! #Fullcircle.
I’m not a pop singer. I was never meant to be. I’m glad I was brave enough to accept that I wasn’t.
For you, if you’re on a path to discovering who you aren’t, take a look at who you might be:
- What are you passionate about? (Go do that.)
- Who do you really see in the mirror? (Be HER.)
- What is your biggest dream? (Go after it.)
Break a leg.